a little vulnerability this afternoon

It has now been almost two full months since I’ve posted a blog. I’ve taken a much longer break from here than I expected but I think it was for the best. 🙂 

Coming home was really hard and still is sometimes. Going back to what seems like the same life I lived before has been really weird. I mean not seeing my family or friends and not living the American lifestyle for nine months is really challenging and really great but really hard to adjust back into. 

I came home expecting to be able to be fully satisfied by the Lords presence. I was home for a month in December and God really met me there and fulfilled me so I imagined that to be the case when i went home the second time. But the reality is that it was nothing like that. I really struggled to come to the Father and when I did, I didn’t feel him all around me. I kinda just felt dry and empty. And it was really hard.

I was driving one day a couple weeks ago and God told me that I was experiencing shame over it. I realized that I had been pushing God away because I felt too guilty to come to him in an intimate way. I felt not good enough. And God reminded me that I don’t have to be anything to come to him. He just wants my heart. And he wants to meet me where I’m at. And he wants to be the One who comforts me. 

I’m still walking through this but I’m growing closer once more to the Father. He is so good and kind. 

 

Some other news that y’all may want to know, I’m leaving in 10 days to team lead on the world race! (There’s a blog explaining more about it if you’d like to know:) 

I‘m still currently fundraising for that and would love to talk more with you if you’re interested in donating or even just to pray for me. 

Talk to y’all soon!